The Black Box
by Rym Poe
Summary: *UPDATED! CHAP2 UP!!* Humor fic/ - Harry found a black box which he thinks is a Karaoke Box, & chaos abound! 2nd CHAP: Potions with Professor Pink!! PLS R & R!!!! (1st Chap: Karaoke Night in the Boys' Dorm!)
1. Karaoke Night In The Boys' Dorm!

**The Black Box**

Author: Rym Poe  

A/N: Hey… I came up with this in a really boring class at school and finished it up now. Hope you like!

Disclaimer: I don't own any HP character's or anything, they all belong to JK Rowling and Warner Bro.

Chap1: Karaoke Night In the Gryffindor Dorm.

Harry (lugging a large black box onto his bed and ripping off the hangings): Yo dudes! It's karaoke night!

Seamus (half asleep): I like kitties.

Ron: Karaoke? What's karaoke?

Seamus: I like kitties!

Harry: It's where everybody sings.

Ron: Oh cool. (bursts into song) – _And everybody SIIINGG!!!! One love! For a mother's _cry_ – _

Seamus: I like – (Naked Dean crawls out of the covers next to Seamus and stomps on his head)

Harry: I am blinded!! (he topples off his bed)

Ron: _One love – for staying alive_ ... I will survive!

Dean climbs out of Seamus' bed and starts putting on boxers covered with camels.

Ron (looking gobsmacked): You're ……… naked!

Dean (Pats his shoulder): Well, aren't you Captain Obvious!

Ron (looking green): ...Captain?

Seamus: (singing) _Oh Captain, my Captain, a sad day has come _… 

Harry (now wearing dark glasses and shaking Neville awake): Come on, NevvyPoo, it's Karaoke Night!

Neville: Gunnghhmuumm...

Seamus: I like –

Everybody: Don't say it!

Seamus: (now finally awake) Wh-aat? (in a whiny voice)

Neville: Trevor?

Harry: No, Harry Potter, Boy Wonder.

Dean hands Seamus a pair of boxers like his own. Seamus climbs out of bed and starts putting them on)

Ron: (gobsmacked) You're ……… naked!!

Dean: (rolling his eyes) I believe we've been over this.

Seamus: Can I sing first? Please? Please?

Harry: Go ahead.

Seamus: (Wraps Harry's red bed-hangings around himself like a dress, and starts singing) _A dream ... is a wish ... your heart makes ..._ (The black box starts playing the music to "It's Getting Hot In Here")

Seamus: (in a very loud voice): _When … you're fast asleep ... (music gets louder) _

Harry bonks the black box. It shuts up. Dean bonks Seamus. Seamus bonks him back. The black box bonks Harry. Harry looks really surprised. Seamus and Dean start kissing. Ron faints. 

Neville: Can I sing now?

Harry: (trying to ignore Seamus and Dean) You might as well.

Neville: (in a very small, barely audible voice) You treat me like a rose … you give me room to grow …

Dean and Seamus stop snogging to stare at him.

Ron awakens just as Harry decides that mouth-to-mouth resuscitation is inevitable. Harry is extremely relieved.

The entire room is quiet.

Neville: (starts singing louder) _you shine the light of love on me … you give me air so I can breathe … (Neville starts wriggling his arse) __… you open doors that __close … (the dorm door opens and two faces peer in)  … _in a world where anything goes …_ (Neville is now on his knees on Harry's bed, belting out the lyrics) … __just like a rose … OSE … ROSSSEEEE!!!  (Neville breaks off at a crescendo, blinks, and looks around as if he doesn't know where he is.)_

Everyone starts clapping.

The dorm door opens fully, and Lavender rushes in, knocking Seamus into Ron's lap, and jumps on Neville.

Lavender: NevvyPoo!! I KNEW you loved me!

Hermione: (who was right behind Lavender, wearing pink bunny-printed flannel pajamas, with hands on hips) WHAT is going on here?!

Ron knocks Seamus off his lap, catches sight of Hermione, and tips over backwards.

Ron: The horror!! Oh, the horror!!

Lavender: NevvyBums, how did you know I was standing outside the door?

Neville: (looking flustered) Actually … I was hoping Trevor would hear me and come back home…

Lavender: (screaming like a banshee) PIG!!!! ASS!! TOAD LOVER!!! I HATE YOU!!!

Everybody puts their hands on their ears. Lavender runs out of the dorm, sobbing wildly.

Neville: (dreamily) She called me a toad-lover…

Hermione: (in a very bossy voice) You guys! You'll really get into trouble for this! Wait until Ms. McGonagall hears!! (she catches sight of the black box, playing the tune to "It's Getting Hot In Here!") What is that??

Harry: Er. Someone sent it to me. It's a Karaoke Box.

Hermione: That's not a Karaoke Box! It's a very … powerful … evil … Dark Object!!!

Harry: Oh really? 

Hermione: Well no. But well-placed paranoia never hurt anyone … I think you should let Ms. McGonagall strip it down.

Ron: Nooooooooo!

Harry: (singing)  _It's__ getting hot in here … So take off all your clothes …_

Seamus: Okay! (starts taking off his boxers.)

Ron: Noooooooooo!

Harry: _I am … getting so hot … I wanna take my clothes off …_

Draco Malfoy: What the hell?

Ron: Nooooooooooo!

Everyone stares at Draco, except for Ron who is traumatized and is rolling around on the floor, clawing at his face.

Draco Malfoy: I do not believe this! The Gryffindors are having an orgy! 

Harry: What are you doing here?

Draco hides his bunch of mousetraps behind his back: Oh nothing. Just … why wasn't I invited?

Harry: Oh, it was just a spur-of-the-moment-thing, you know.

Draco: yeah right. I bet you've been planning this for months. (looking around) where's Ginny?

Hermione: (trying not to sound jealous) Why do you wanna know?

Draco: None of your business, Cow Face. 

Hermione bursts out crying and runs out.

Lavender: Draco!

Draco: Hello sweetheart. (they start kissing passionately)

Neville bursts out crying and runs out.

Parvati Patil walks in: Draco!! Are you cheating on me?!

Draco: huh? I was never going out with you.

Parvati bursts out crying and runs out.

Draco and Lavender keep on kissing.

Harry: (singing) _I may be a tiny chimney sweep, but I've got an enormous broom…_

Suddenly, Harry stops singing and stares at Draco and Lavender snogging.

Harry: (slowly) Hey … he's a Slytherin.

Everyone: So?

Harry: He's an enemy.

Everyone: (realization dawning upon them) Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…

Ron: Finally.

Harry: Chainsaws at the ready, people? ATTTTAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

What will happen now? Watch as the teacher's get involved, Draco's love life tangles up, and the Black Box and the Sorting Hat fight it out!! And will Neville ever find Trevor? 

Disclaimer: the songs that I used belong to: 

"it's getting hot in here"  by Nelly.

"A dream…is a wish.." Cinderella, Disney.

"one love" by Blue.

"Like a Rose"  it's an old song and I've forgotten who it's by, if you know, pls tell me, I don't claim ownership, or anything.

"I may be a tiny chimney sweep…" I encountered in the "draco dormiens, sinister, veritas" series by Cassandra Claire. I don't know who wrote it, but it wasn't me.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!


	2. Potions with Professor Pink!

THE BLACK BOX: CHAP # 2: Potions with Professor Pink. 

By: Rym Poe

Disclaimer: All the stuff you recognize from Harry Potter belongs to J K Rowling, Etc. No money is being made, no copyright infringement is intended.   

A/N: I know that everyone is constantly confused by Blaise Zabini's sex. She's a girl in this fic. Enjoy!!

Harry Potter woke up with a terrible headache. Yesterday had been some night. He staggered out of bed, nearly tripping over Seamus where he lay on the floor, snoring. He looked around the common room in horror. Chainsaws, hammers, and axes lay abandoned; hangings were torn off and bedding pulled onto the floor;  people lay underfoot, seemingly unconscious; there was confetti everywhere: funny, he didn't remember confetti … oh well. Harry shrugged and went off to change.    

Running down the hallway to First Period Potions with Snape

Harry: (pantpant) 

Seamus: (pantpant)

Dean: Seamus, don't you look hot panting. (pantpant) Rowrrr.

Ron: (pantpant) Kill me now!

Seamus: (pulling out a pink chainsaw from his satchel) Okay (pantpant)

Chainsaw: GrrrrrrRRRRRRRrrrrRRRRRrrr

Harry: (bonking Seamus on the head) NO! Why in hell are you carrying that?? (pantpant)

Chainsaw: GrrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrRRRRrrrrrr

Seamus: (pantpant) I don't know. It's pretty.

(He tosses the pink chainsaw behind him. It hits Snape on the head, who was also late and was rushing to class)

Snape: Gunngghh (faints)

Chainsaw: Grrrrrnnnnuuauuaaaahhh…..(dies out)

Ron: Did anyone hear something?

Dean: Yes. Our doom stampeding towards us.

Ron: Huh?

Harry: Here we are. (pulls open the door to Snape's dungeon, and they all peer in, confident that they are going to be charbroiled with extra grease.)

Seamus: (in wonder) Snape's not here!

(They all troop in. The Slytherins are gathered at one end of the room, they are loudly and heatedly discussing something. Suddenly, Draco emerges from the middle of the group. His arm is in a huge fuchsia sling. The sling has hearts drawn all over it.)

Draco: Ow Ow. Scarface, you have marked my fair and lovely skin. I shall have my revenge!! (laughs evilly) Sic him Rover!!!! 

(Draco steps aside. From behind him, Millicent Bulstrode rushes out, looking like an extremely ugly baby elephant. )

Millicent Bulstrode: (charging towards Harry) SNORT!!!!!SNORT!!!!!

Harry: (running away) Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

Ron: Draco, you creepy gay freak!! (He pulls out his wand. It has unicorn hair poking out the front.) Petrificus Totalus!! (There is a loud bang and Ron flies off backwards, slamming into Dean and Seamus, who are comparing notes on waxing charms. The wand in his hand starts letting off pink bubbles)

Parvati: He is not gay!

Ron: (dazed) Hee Hee. Bubblies.

Dean + Seamus: (*shrugshrug*)

Millicent Bulstrode: SNORT!!!

Harry: Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

Draco: Yo babe, wanna sign my cast?? 

Hermione: OOoohh yes!!

Draco: I wasn't talkin' to you: I was talkin' to the babe. (Rolls his eyes) Duh.

Parvati: Really Draco, you flatter me. 

Draco: Huh? Who're you?

Blaise: Come on, Draco… (she hangs onto his arm.)

Draco: Don't crumple the robes, babe. (He shakes her off and they saunter away)

Millicent Bulstrode: SNORT!!!

Harry: Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

Parvati: (starts sobbing wildly)

Hermione: (looks like she is about to do the same, but instead kicks the black box and climbs up onto Snape's desk. Ron who has just regained his senses catches a glimpse of her granny knickers and starts skipping around the classroom, singing about bunnies and bubblies.)

Hermione: Okay, listen up everyone. 

Back Box: (quietly giggles, but no one hears)

Millicent Bulstrode: SNORT!!

Harry: Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

Ron: (skipskip) … bubblies, lalalala, bubblies, bunnies, heee hee … (skipskip)

Parvati: I am ruined!!! Bwooohoohoo!! He…he….

Draco: MMmmmmmMMm….

Blaise: Yummy dummy, mmmmmmMMmmm….

Dean: About that charm, it works wonders…no, really, I heard Viktor Krum used it and he has TWO BROWS NOW!!!!

Seamus: NO!!! Really? Wow!!

Hermione: (waves a little) Ummm…people?

Black Box: YO PPL!!! Listen to the lady, will you???

Snape: (staggers in) Guuhhhssddddff…. (hangs onto the door)

Ron: (skips past, trailing pink bubbles) ….lalalaa bubblies lala fluffy luffy lala …

Snape: (holds up a hand) Mr. Weasley!

Harry: Uh-oh.

Snape: Let me join you!!!! (twirls around, then does a jete) LaLaLAAAAAAA… (turns the classroom walls pink) bubblies bubblies lolalalaaa…  

Parvati: (Cheers up) Cool. (Turns all the desks into pink fluffy armchairs)  HeeHee. This is fun!!

Neville and Lavender walk in.

Neville: Oh wow! I'm having that recurring dream again!!

Lavender: Huh?

Neville: You know, my dream…

Lavender: What dream?

Neville (frowning) : Have you forgotten your lines or something? You're supposed to say: "Come here cuddle-monkey", and then we go shag on Snape's pink fluffy desk!!!

Lavender: You pervy freak!! (Bonks him on the head with her makeup bag) 

Neville joins Ron and Snape in skipping around the classroom.

Dumbledore pushes open the door with one toe. 

Dumbledore: oO

(Ron skips past, trailing pink bubbles, followed by Snape doing ballet leaps and twirls, his cloak now a putrid shade of purple. They are trailed by Neville who is stumbling round and round singing "the happy song")

Dumbledore: oO

(Harry runs past him, screaming rather hoarsely now, followed by Millicent Bulstrode snorting like a killer boar on speed)

Dumbledore: oO

(Dumbledore takes in the pink walls, the fluffy armchairs, Draco and Blasie rolling around on the floor, Parvati having a pink fetish, Dean waxing Seamus' legs, Crabbe sampling beakers from a cabinet labeled "Potentially Fatal" Goyle sleeping on top of a cupboard, the Slytherins ransacking Snape's "Potion Ingredients 

for Dark Uses" cupboard, and the Black Box quietly giggling away in a corner of the room. The Black Box brings a confused yet worried look to his face.)

Dumbledore: oOoO………….STOP!!!

Everyone stops doing what they're doing and stares at him. Crabbe Falls over backwards. Dumbledore shakes his head and petrifies Millicent Bulstrode. He puts a sedating charm on Snape, Ron, and Neville. He puts Crabbe on a levitating stretcher. Then he sends them off to the Infirmary with Harry. Then he locks Snape's cupboard and, frowning excessively over it, he picks up the Black Box and leaves.

Nobody hears him giggle though, as he walks down the corridor, clutching the Black Box.

Dumbledore (hunching over the Box in his arms): How did YOU get here? Naughty naughty … But never mind that. (giggle) We're going to have fun, we are.

A/N: Whoa!! I am exhausted by the hyperactivity of my characters!! So, to repay all my hard work, pls review!!


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